Gerrard "Delighted" with Bellamy's Return

As previously reported, 32 year old Craig Bellamy returns to Anfield after a 4 year spell away from Liverpool. Here are Captain Fantastic's thoughts:

"I'm delighted that Craig is back - I didn't want him to leave in the first place...That pace and the fiery character he's got will help us in our push for success this season."

Now here's what he really meant:

"I'm delighted that Craig is back - whoever greenlighted the previous sale was a moron... He's fast as hell and even more of a headcase nutjob than I am, which can surely only be a good thing"

Steven Gerrard, everyone.

"Aye, mate, let's go out for a pint and find ourselves a disagreeable DJ we can rough up"