FIFA Legend: Peter Crouch(osaurus)

There are some players in this world that just should not be good at soccer. Rino Gattuso is one. Paul Scholes certainly looks like he could be stocking the lower shelves of your local supermarket. But the number one player who NO ONE would pick out of a lineup to be a professional soccer player is the Crouchosaur. At 6 feet 7 inches tall, his only evident ability might be heading the ball. In fact, however, Crouch has a very poor record of scoring headed goals. However, this fact is apparently not translatable to EA Sports' FIFA video game franchise.

Simply put, the great galloping dinosaur is unstoppable in FIFA. Whip in a cross anywhere near his toothy head, and he'll get his noggin around it and shape it home. I've been victimized by him on fadeaway headers from the penalty spot looping over my keeper more times than I care to remember.

Crouch's slender head is not his only FIFA weapon, however. His "telescopic legs", as the inimitable Ray Hudson describes them, are deadly at tapping home back post balls that no normal human could reach. And his better than average footskills have translated well into FIFA, to the dismay of his opponents.

In short, beware the ever-present danger of the Crouchosaurus.

"LOL umm idk why i'm better than u in FIFA! Probably 'cuz I'm not married to a horse?"

Frank Lampard Peaces Out at Swansea City

Frank Lampard, one of the stalwarts of the Chelsea midfield for the past ten years, is apparently not in new manager Andre Villas-Boas's long term plans. He has not started in three of the last four games, and was taken off at halftime in the 3-1 loss at Manchester United.

In the Blues' latest match at Swansea City, Lampard was on the bench until the 83rd minute, when Chelsea used their last substitution to bring in the 18 year old youngster Josh McEachran. At which point Lampard promptly clomped his way down the tunnel without talking to his manager.

Lampard is 33, and a veteran and leader in a Chelsea side that is in the early stages of a push for Champions League and Premier League glory. Putting himself before the team in this way shows Lampard's childish sense of resentment about not being chosen, along with jealousy towards his teammates.

I can only imagine what kind of mood the dressing room was in after the game, but I'm sure Lampard heard some choice words from the likes of John Terry and Petr Cech about leadership and a team-first mentality. This kind of mental weakness is what separates good teams from great teams, and right now it is obvious that Chelsea is in the former category.

"But I want an oompa-loompa NOW!!!"

Carling Cup

Just finished watching the Carling Cup match between Man United & Leeds United. Although there once was a great rivalry here, that is no longer the case. The depth of this current United squad is stupid good all their "bench" players started---you know, scrubs like Sir Ryan Giggs, Dimitar Berbatov, Ji-Sung Park, among others haha. Anyways, the match was a comfortable 3 nil scrubbing by the Red Devils. A brace from the sumhow not injured Michael Owen and then a beauty by the ageless Walesman Giggys (video below).

Speculative Rip of the Week

This week's epic smack comes courtesy of a small Croatian man with floppy hair. That's right, Luka Modric has struck again, this time depositing the first of 4 Spurs goals past a helpless Pepe Reina. Watch and be amazed:

It's every midfielder's dream to have the ball come hopping towards you out of a scrum, begging to be smashed into the top corner. Modric obliged with a swerving effort that no keeper in the world could have stopped. Kudos to you, good sir.

Cristiano Ronaldo strikes again...

Not to pick on Cristiano or anything, but his press conferences as of late have been nothing short of gems. I mean seriously everyone needs to tune into his next press conference at the next leg of the champions league.

If you have read the earlier post about Ronaldo being beautiful and rich etc etc, this next one shows his arrogance. Prior to his game against Dinamo Zagreb he was asked about what he thought of the skills of Mario Gotze, an up and coming German international who currently plays for Borussia Dortmund.

Typical Ronaldo replied "Who's Gotze? In what position does he play? Is he good?"

Now, I understand that not everyone knows everyone, but if this blogger knows about him, then surely Cristiano Ronaldo should...or at least heard the name before, this kid isn't exactly a nobody.

I'm not blaming Ronaldo and calling him a bad person, if fact if he knew about Gotze I would be shocked. Ronaldo responded in the exact way that people should expect; if it ain't about him, don't ask the question.

Anywho, just an average week in the life of Cristiano Ronaldo

This is the Next Video Game You Need

You know you want to press on

Ahh, Fifa. There's nothing like it. In fact, Broston College named it as one of the top 5 inventions of our generation, with which I will firmly agree. Having said that, there are, as I see it, 3 problems with a current Fifa game (be it 11 or 12).

1. Constantly playing against people, while fostering hellacious rivalries, can sometimes lead to hatred. One of our roommates who will go unnamed has a type of goal that bears his name, called the ***-goal. There's really no set rubric for a ***-goal, it just has to be total bullshit. A few of these can cause his opponent to storm out and raid the fridge for a Bud Heavy to cool down.
2. When you're playing 2v2 with 4 bros, player switching is a huge issue. We all know the feeling of having 2 defenders back as a ball is played through, and the shitshow of manual player switching that commences (if you have auto-switching on, you don't deserve to play). Usually this results in the defender looking as if he's riding Harry Potter's cursed broomstick, while the uncontrolled defender is easily beaten for a golazo.
3. The career mode competitions suck. While I don't know this because basically the whole career mode is only for people with RIDICULOUS amounts of free time on their hands, it used to be that none of the European competitions had their real names. I think I won the ECC like 6 times with Liverpool in Fifa 07 for Gamecube, but that didn't give me the satisfaction of winning the Champions League.

All these problems are fixed in Fifa World Cup.

A quick summary:

1. While you can play a normal match, it's much more fun to play in a mode called Captain Your Country, where you pick a team and play as one player throughout all qualifiers and eventually reach THE Fifa World Cup 2010. Intrasquad bitterness may develop if one player doesn't pass, but certainly all ***-goals will be met with more appreciation if they come from your side.
2. Captain Your Country eliminates player switching. Since you're only one player, and basically your whole job is to get good match ratings, you don't have to worry about silly things like defense. You can poach up top with Jozy and bury breakaways all day, with no thought to defending against the dreaded Lb+Y.
3. Due to the fact that it's officially licensed, this baby has the god damned WORLD CUP. You can try to take any country in the world to the pinnacle of the sport. Much more satisfying than winning the Fifa International Tournament or some other nonsense.

Save yourself 30 bucks and but it for $20 on eBay here. I did.

Cristiano Ronaldo on Himself

If anyone else in the world had said this, I would have immediately dismissed it as a joke. With the possible exception of LeBron, who would have said it as a joke to get headlines because with no NBA I haven't been subjected to LBlowJ on Sportscenter for perhaps a week. However, there is only one human being on Earth who could actually say this in full confidence and mean every word of it. This quote comes from after Real Madrid's Champions League tilt at Dinamo Zagreb. When asked why he was heckled throughout the match, Ronaldo responded:

""I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don't have any other explanation.""

Let that sink in for a minute. Perhaps the most recognizable and famous athlete on the planet actually said that. Again, though, almost not surprising coming from this man:

"No, I mustn't look. They will surely heckle me. No one understands my beauty"

FoxSoccer.tv is a Godsend

Living on campus has its benefits. Easy access to meals payed for with Monopoly money (aka BC dining bucks), waking up 10 minutes before class, and the ability to go to the Mods just to see if anything's going on. However, one glaring drawback to living on the Heights is BC Cable. Although 50% of this school is male, therefore making them sports fans, BC somehow refuses to pay the extra few dollars to equip our student body with the ever-elusive "sports package". Aka no MLB TV, no NFL Network (goodbye Thursday night football), and most importantly NO FOX SOCCER.

However, being the ever-intrepid bloggers that we are, the Retired Ginger Prince and I have found a workaround. For the small price of $10 each a month, we have signed up for foxsoccer.tv. With this wonderful service we get basically every game from the major European leagues all year long, as well as Champions League games. Currently I'm watching the Man City - Napoli game, which is nil nil in the 15th minute. Sitting on my standard-issue blue BC couch, watching soccer online, I can almost pretend that I'm off campus again. RIP Chiswick and Chestnut Hill Ave, but Viva La FSC.tv!!

Champions League Group Stages Begin in a Week

The European Champions League is a season-long tournament where the best teams in Europe battle for the right to be crowned king of the continent. And then Barcelona or Man U win. But hope springs eternal in the breast of all UCL competitors this season, as they feel that this could finally be their year.

Here is a quick breakdown of how the groups look. Analysis and opinions will be provided as we see fit.

Group A
Bayern Munich
Man City
Napoli
Villareal

Group B
CSKA Moscow
Internationale
Lille
Trabzonspor

Group C (The "Embarrassingly Easy Group")
Benfica
FC Basel
Manchester United
Otelul Galati (...WHO??)

Group D
Ajax
Dinamo Zagreb
Lyon
Real Madrid

Group E
Bayer Leverkusen
Chelsea
KRC Genk (great name... GENK)
Valencia

Group F
Arsenal
Marseille
Borussia Dortmund
Olympiakos

Group G (the dark horse group)
Apoel Nicosia (??)
FC Porto
Shakhtar Donetsk
Zenit St. Petersburg

Group H
AC Milan
Barcelona
BATE Borisov
Viktoria Plzen (?)

So there you have it. We will undoubtedly see some great group stage matchups (AC v Barca, Real Madrid v Ajax, Man City v Bayern Munich) and some games featuring two teams that seem to come from a Scrabble game between 2 five year olds (BATE Borisov v Viktoria Plzen, FC Basel v Otelul Galati). Now all we have to do is sit back and watch.

Picks and analysis may follow at a later date. Stay tuned.
 
 
 

Gerrard "Delighted" with Bellamy's Return

As previously reported, 32 year old Craig Bellamy returns to Anfield after a 4 year spell away from Liverpool. Here are Captain Fantastic's thoughts:

"I'm delighted that Craig is back - I didn't want him to leave in the first place...That pace and the fiery character he's got will help us in our push for success this season."

Now here's what he really meant:

"I'm delighted that Craig is back - whoever greenlighted the previous sale was a moron... He's fast as hell and even more of a headcase nutjob than I am, which can surely only be a good thing"

Steven Gerrard, everyone.

"Aye, mate, let's go out for a pint and find ourselves a disagreeable DJ we can rough up"

Meireles Pulls a Torres

Hopefully this is not a scene to be repeated in blue shirts

 In an eerily similar move to everyone's favorite Rat, Raul Meireles bolted from Liverpool red to Chelsea blue with less than an hour to go in the summer transfer window.

Meireles had not been linked with any moves out of Anfield for most of the transfer season, however Liverpool did reject a Chelsea bid for the midfielder the day before the close of business. The transfer fee is undisclosed, however it must have been rather astronomical to convince Liverpool to let go one of the anchors of their midfield. Even with many new midfield recruits moving in, it is simply a shame to see a veteran and a class act like Meireles shove off for London, leaving our midfield young and inexperienced until Gerrard comes back.

In other Liverpool news, the Reds have reached a contract with Craig Bellamy. The hotheaded winger will be wearing shirt number 39, and his pace and ability to find the net are always assets for an attacking manager such as the King.

BC Embarrasses Quinnipiac 5-0

Your 2011-2012 Boston College Eagles soccer team has started off on the right foot this season, posting a 3-0-0 record. Their latest game featured four different players finding the twine en route to a 5-0 shellacking of the Quinnipiac Bobcats.

The Eagles are ranked 16th in the country, but if midfielder Kyle Bekker (goal, assist) and striker Charlie Rugg (goal) can spark offensive performances like this, look for the Eagles to make a jump in the rankings before ACC play opens.

BC travels to face a powerful Dartmouth squad on Sunday, and opens conference play a week from today in College Park, Maryland.  With only 5 seniors on the roster, on paper it is a young team that sets out with high expectations this year. However, many of the juniors and even sophomores have serious playing experience under their belt, and have been counted on for contributions in past seasons. The future looks bright in Chestnut Hill.

Charlie Rugg, who bears a strong resemblance to Kid Cudi, will be counted on for big goals this season