Better Late than Never: the Euro 2012 Draw Roundup

This draw happened a few weeks ago, but what with a thesis, 3 classes, another writing job, and various nonsense, I never got around to blogging it.

Regardless, Euro 2012 is coming to an ESPN near you this summer, and it's the best international soccer competition outside of the World Cup (some have called it better than the World Cup). With traditional powers like Italy and France mired in troublesome slumps, this may be the year where some lesser-known countries get their shot at taking down football's royalty.

Additionally, this is some of the last top-notch football we'll see on ESPN, as FOX has outbid the worldwide leader for the 2014 and 2018 World Cups. This is truly a massive loss for soccer in America, and will undo essentially everything that ESPN has been doing for the last several years for the game in the States. But that's another story.

Here are the groups for Euro 2012, and the predictions for each:

Group A: Poland, Greece, Russia, Czech Republic

This may, top to bottom, be the weakest group that was possible. The level of play will be low (for top-notch international football), but the level of competition will be sky-high. These teams (with the possible exception of Greece) are known for being tough, scrappy sides, and each will believe they have a great chance to come out of this group. Which they do. Every game in this group will be exciting and significant.
Prediction: Czechs and Russians advance

Group B: Netherlands, Denmark, Germany, Portugal

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!! In all seriousness, this is the definition of a Group of Death. See?

 

They're already making t-shirts

I don't have anything else to say. It's horrifying for all parties involved. Trees may not bear fruit during these matchups. Children will cry. Doves will spontaneously combust. Human life as we know it may be at stake.
Prediction: Germany and Netherlands advance

Group C: Spain, Italy, Ireland, Croatia

This wins first alternate for the Group of Death. Spain's the clear favorite, as they would be in any game that wasn't against the Netherlands, Germany, Brazil, or FC Barcelona. Their coach, Vincente Del Bosque, certainly seems content with the draw. But after that, you really have your pick of the litter. Ireland will be so pumped to be in an international tournament that they'll want to put on a good show. Croatia is a solid team, and Italy is no longer the power it once was. Plus, Spain plays like Barcelona: too much passing, not enough goals. I could see them getting caught in possession and giving up a few goals.
Prediction: Spain and the flying Balotellis (I mean Italy) advance

Group D: Ukraine, Sweden, France, England

England's national team fans piss me off. Mainly because they have gotten their way for the last few major tournaments. This was the cover of the Sun after the draw for the 2010 World Cup:

How'd that work out for you, ya limey tea-swilling numpties? And this draw isn't much harder. The Ukraine can be dismissed immediately based upon the other group members. England will win the group by default, and I think France has recovered enough to beat a Swedish side with an aging, but still omnipotent, Zlatan the Magnificent Nose.
Prediction: England and France advance