The Inigo Martinez Speculative Rip of the Week: Goal of the Season Edition.

The title really says it all. This is easily the goal of the season, unless something else preposterous unseats it.

Papiss Cisse from Newcastle. Just watch.


http://youtu.be/zgmUO77HWa0

Some Champions League Final Thoughts

- The final is held in Munich. Bayern Munich plays in Munich. This is a home game for Bayern Munich. This is a home game for Bayern Munich. We all know that Chelsea fans travel well, and they'll be rabid for Champions League glory, but for heavens sake, it's a home Champions League final.

-  I am conflicted on who I want to win this game. On one hand, I hate Chelsea. I hate the fact that they've bought their success with Uncle Roman the Tyrant's (probably ill-gotten) riches. I hate the fact that their fans equate them with the top tier of English football, even though they've been to 2 Champions League finals (Liverpool: 7, Manchester United: 5) and have won four English titles (Liverpool: 18, Manchester United: 19).

So I really do want Bayern to win. However, I have this terrible vision in my head of Bayern winning on some fluke goal, or a missed offside call, or a controversial handball in the box that is/isn't a penalty, and Chelsea having rather legitimate complaints about being robbed by the officiating. It doesn't matter whether they import the officials from India, Saskatchewan, or Pluto, anyone would be swayed by 70,000 screaming Germans.

- The yellow card suspension rules need to be changed. Obviously, John Terry should be out for the final with a red card in the semifinal. Less sensible, however, are the suspensions of Ramires and Branislav Ivanovic. Ramires was easily one of Chelsea's best players during the semifinal (see this goal for proof). As for Ivanovic, his reaction to the knowledge of his suspension illustrates this point. He wasn't even aware he'd have to miss the final until the postgame press conference, and nearly broke down when informed by a reporter of this fact. This needs to change. No one wants to see a less-than-full-strength side out on a final night, except if one of their number (Terry) has done something massively stupid to get himself suspended.

In short, I say that yellow cards should be struck from the board for the final, with suspensions only handed out to a player who's somehow managed a red card in the semifinal.

-PREDICTION: Bayern 2 - 1 Chelsea

The Inigo Martinez Speculative Rip of the Week

Time has been good to Paul Scholes. He still possesses a deft passing touch and can still shake Old Trafford with efforts like this.



Skip to 5:00 for the rip, or watch every touch Scholes had in the game. Most were sublime, as usual

The Inigo Martinez Speculative Rip of the Week

Yes, it's been a while since the last post. Being a senior in college ain't all rainbows and smiles. Sometimes you have to buckle down, go to a 12 o'clock class about young adult fiction, play 9 holes, then have dinner! Jeesh.

Anyway, Cristiano continues to produce spectacular efforts like this dipping missile in the Champions League.

Enjoy.

The Inigo Martinez Honorary Speculative Rip of the Week

The title, and the video, sum it up. What a screamer!

THE RETURN OF THE GINGER PRINCE!!!!!

(City Beware. Herrreeee's Scholes.)

Although a very dramatic and important FA Cup battle between Man U and Man City took place today, it was highly overshadowed by the most important news of 2012 (for real): Manchester United legend Paul Scholes has come out of retirement so suit up in the middle of the pitch for the vaunted Red Devils who are experiencing an injury crisis. Scholes was used as a 2nd half substitute in United's 3-2 victory over hated City and although there was significant rust (a Scholesy giveaway led to City's second goal), his mere presence on the pitch raised the fighting spirit of slumping United to beat their nearest neighbors. Although Scholes will certainly need some time to get into game shape, his glorious right foot will no doubt provide perfectly weighted balls to United's wingers and strikers. This boost is clearly the biggest news of 2012 in any sports. Better yet, I would call it the biggest news in the world. Fuck the NFL playoffs, fuck politics and upcoming elections, fuck even the bitter Bruins Canucks rivalry. The Prince has returned. Need I say more?

Better Late than Never: the Euro 2012 Draw Roundup

This draw happened a few weeks ago, but what with a thesis, 3 classes, another writing job, and various nonsense, I never got around to blogging it.

Regardless, Euro 2012 is coming to an ESPN near you this summer, and it's the best international soccer competition outside of the World Cup (some have called it better than the World Cup). With traditional powers like Italy and France mired in troublesome slumps, this may be the year where some lesser-known countries get their shot at taking down football's royalty.

Additionally, this is some of the last top-notch football we'll see on ESPN, as FOX has outbid the worldwide leader for the 2014 and 2018 World Cups. This is truly a massive loss for soccer in America, and will undo essentially everything that ESPN has been doing for the last several years for the game in the States. But that's another story.

Here are the groups for Euro 2012, and the predictions for each:

Group A: Poland, Greece, Russia, Czech Republic

This may, top to bottom, be the weakest group that was possible. The level of play will be low (for top-notch international football), but the level of competition will be sky-high. These teams (with the possible exception of Greece) are known for being tough, scrappy sides, and each will believe they have a great chance to come out of this group. Which they do. Every game in this group will be exciting and significant.
Prediction: Czechs and Russians advance

Group B: Netherlands, Denmark, Germany, Portugal

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!! In all seriousness, this is the definition of a Group of Death. See?

 

They're already making t-shirts

I don't have anything else to say. It's horrifying for all parties involved. Trees may not bear fruit during these matchups. Children will cry. Doves will spontaneously combust. Human life as we know it may be at stake.
Prediction: Germany and Netherlands advance

Group C: Spain, Italy, Ireland, Croatia

This wins first alternate for the Group of Death. Spain's the clear favorite, as they would be in any game that wasn't against the Netherlands, Germany, Brazil, or FC Barcelona. Their coach, Vincente Del Bosque, certainly seems content with the draw. But after that, you really have your pick of the litter. Ireland will be so pumped to be in an international tournament that they'll want to put on a good show. Croatia is a solid team, and Italy is no longer the power it once was. Plus, Spain plays like Barcelona: too much passing, not enough goals. I could see them getting caught in possession and giving up a few goals.
Prediction: Spain and the flying Balotellis (I mean Italy) advance

Group D: Ukraine, Sweden, France, England

England's national team fans piss me off. Mainly because they have gotten their way for the last few major tournaments. This was the cover of the Sun after the draw for the 2010 World Cup:

How'd that work out for you, ya limey tea-swilling numpties? And this draw isn't much harder. The Ukraine can be dismissed immediately based upon the other group members. England will win the group by default, and I think France has recovered enough to beat a Swedish side with an aging, but still omnipotent, Zlatan the Magnificent Nose.
Prediction: England and France advance

David Villa breaks leg, reminds us why the Club World Cup is stupid

This is not for the faint of heart:



Yeesh. Gone are the rumors sending him to Chelsea or my beloved Reds. And all for what? A tournament that essentially no one cares about.

Let's not forget, I do hate Barcelona. However, I wouldn't have hated a January transfer of Villa to Liverpool. Damn you, Club World Cup. Damn you.

Speculative Rip of the Week (Will Hereafter be Renamed)

Hi all. Long time between posts. Busy college students are busy, plus its our blog and we get to deprive you of content for weeks at a time. ha-HA, as the Berba would say.

Anyway, this post is groundbreaking for the 3 amigos here at 3MW. Because from here on out, our most frequent and popular segment, the Speculative Rip of the Week, will be known as....(drumroll)...

the INIGO MARTINEZ HONORARY SPECULATIVE RIP OF THE WEEK

That's right, the 20-year old wizard has done it again. The kid has exactly two La Liga goals for Real Sociedad, and he's got his own blog segment named after him. Spectacularge.

Martinez came to you live back in October with this rifle shot, and he's just gone and outdone himself. With the score tied at 2, IN STOPPAGE TIME, against Real Betis, Martinez unleashed Heaven's fury again with his left foot and vaulted himself into legend status at Sociedad.

View the magic:



Oh by the way, he went bar down. Ridiculous. As Brooks at Dirty Tackle said, "It's becoming clear that Martinez is some kind of wizard."

WHAT THE $&"%

This isn't about soccer. This is about a gross and egregious lapse in judgment by someone high up in an NCAA Division I office somewhere.

No, not at Penn State.

This is hockey news. As we all know, hockey is a cold-weather sport. Much like ice-fishing and snowmobile jousting, this is a sport that is enjoyed by millions upon millions of residents of the northern climes of this wonderful planet we call Earth.

Southerners, well, they enjoy football, drivin' real fast, and turnin' left.

So I found it strange when last year I heard about a little-known D1 hockey team called the Alabama-Huntsville Chargers. That's right, the Chargers are the only D1 NCAA hockey team south of the Mason-Dixon line. They play as an independent, but their time in D1 is short-lived, as they will be downgraded to a club sport after this season.

This might be nothing more than an interesting trivia piece, soon forgotten after the club distinction is enacted, except for one major item:

THEY'RE HOSTING THE FREAKING FROZEN FOUR!!!

Yes, the only NCAA hockey team south of Delaware is the host school for this year's Frozen Four. Stranger still, the tournament is to be played in the Tampa Bay Lightning's arena in Tampa, Florida. Obviously, Huntsville, Alabama is a less desirable location to play than Tampa, but why even insult the intelligence of a college hockey fan by veiling this strange venue with the designation that a school two states away is hosting the event?

It's all very curious. Very curious indeed.

B.Y.E. Intramural Update

Howdy All

Been a while since a post here at 3MW, but just wanted to update our loyal reader(s?) on the situation vis a vis our intramural team.

Currently, valiant former champions B.Y.E. sit at the top of the heap in the BC intramural soccer standings with an unblemished 5-0 record. We'll certainly receive the 2nd overall seed, barring an unforeseen and unheard of situation in which the other undefeated team (Goodwill Stunting, which has 3 or 4 club players) loses and goes to 4-1.

Rubenstein D11 has done its part, with 2 goals on the season from one participant (me) and 2 games played from the other participant (Retired Ginger Prince), who may have his priorities mixed up.

Further updates as events warrant.

HOLD EVERYTHING!!! The most SPECULATIVE of Speculative Rips

While Kyle Walker's goal in our previous post was more akin to what one would expect when talking about a rip from distance, this may end up winning the first inaugural Speculative Rip of the Year Award. Inigo Martinez (Not Montoya, like "I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die"), a Spanish U21 defender playing for Real Sociedad, apparently has been watching too many Xabi Alonso highlights.

WATCH THIS CANNON












What a screamer!!! Usually when a goal is scored from your own half it's looped up and over a keeper who is picking daisies at the edge of his 18 yard box. This ball was hit on a string and tucked hard up under the crossbar, past/over a diving keeper, from 65 YARDS OUT.

Truly impressive from the young Spaniard. A banner day here at 3MW, where we make all your speculative rip dreams come true

Speculative Rip of the Week

Arsenal continued their tailspin today with a loss to Spurs at White Hart Lane. Their Polish keeper Wojeshook SheSheznee (that's how I pronounce it) bailed them out on a few occasions throughout the contest, but looked a bit like a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man on a late effort from the 21 year old Kyle Walker.


footyroom.com TOT-ARS by footyroom

Skip to 3:27 to see the boomer. Walker puts some extra spicy mustard on this thing, and it swerves its way past Shesheznee's arm flailingness. Great stuff from the youngster, and great self confidence to take a rip from there.

FIFA Legend: Peter Crouch(osaurus)

There are some players in this world that just should not be good at soccer. Rino Gattuso is one. Paul Scholes certainly looks like he could be stocking the lower shelves of your local supermarket. But the number one player who NO ONE would pick out of a lineup to be a professional soccer player is the Crouchosaur. At 6 feet 7 inches tall, his only evident ability might be heading the ball. In fact, however, Crouch has a very poor record of scoring headed goals. However, this fact is apparently not translatable to EA Sports' FIFA video game franchise.

Simply put, the great galloping dinosaur is unstoppable in FIFA. Whip in a cross anywhere near his toothy head, and he'll get his noggin around it and shape it home. I've been victimized by him on fadeaway headers from the penalty spot looping over my keeper more times than I care to remember.

Crouch's slender head is not his only FIFA weapon, however. His "telescopic legs", as the inimitable Ray Hudson describes them, are deadly at tapping home back post balls that no normal human could reach. And his better than average footskills have translated well into FIFA, to the dismay of his opponents.

In short, beware the ever-present danger of the Crouchosaurus.

"LOL umm idk why i'm better than u in FIFA! Probably 'cuz I'm not married to a horse?"

Frank Lampard Peaces Out at Swansea City

Frank Lampard, one of the stalwarts of the Chelsea midfield for the past ten years, is apparently not in new manager Andre Villas-Boas's long term plans. He has not started in three of the last four games, and was taken off at halftime in the 3-1 loss at Manchester United.

In the Blues' latest match at Swansea City, Lampard was on the bench until the 83rd minute, when Chelsea used their last substitution to bring in the 18 year old youngster Josh McEachran. At which point Lampard promptly clomped his way down the tunnel without talking to his manager.

Lampard is 33, and a veteran and leader in a Chelsea side that is in the early stages of a push for Champions League and Premier League glory. Putting himself before the team in this way shows Lampard's childish sense of resentment about not being chosen, along with jealousy towards his teammates.

I can only imagine what kind of mood the dressing room was in after the game, but I'm sure Lampard heard some choice words from the likes of John Terry and Petr Cech about leadership and a team-first mentality. This kind of mental weakness is what separates good teams from great teams, and right now it is obvious that Chelsea is in the former category.

"But I want an oompa-loompa NOW!!!"

Carling Cup

Just finished watching the Carling Cup match between Man United & Leeds United. Although there once was a great rivalry here, that is no longer the case. The depth of this current United squad is stupid good all their "bench" players started---you know, scrubs like Sir Ryan Giggs, Dimitar Berbatov, Ji-Sung Park, among others haha. Anyways, the match was a comfortable 3 nil scrubbing by the Red Devils. A brace from the sumhow not injured Michael Owen and then a beauty by the ageless Walesman Giggys (video below).

Speculative Rip of the Week

This week's epic smack comes courtesy of a small Croatian man with floppy hair. That's right, Luka Modric has struck again, this time depositing the first of 4 Spurs goals past a helpless Pepe Reina. Watch and be amazed:

It's every midfielder's dream to have the ball come hopping towards you out of a scrum, begging to be smashed into the top corner. Modric obliged with a swerving effort that no keeper in the world could have stopped. Kudos to you, good sir.

Cristiano Ronaldo strikes again...

Not to pick on Cristiano or anything, but his press conferences as of late have been nothing short of gems. I mean seriously everyone needs to tune into his next press conference at the next leg of the champions league.

If you have read the earlier post about Ronaldo being beautiful and rich etc etc, this next one shows his arrogance. Prior to his game against Dinamo Zagreb he was asked about what he thought of the skills of Mario Gotze, an up and coming German international who currently plays for Borussia Dortmund.

Typical Ronaldo replied "Who's Gotze? In what position does he play? Is he good?"

Now, I understand that not everyone knows everyone, but if this blogger knows about him, then surely Cristiano Ronaldo should...or at least heard the name before, this kid isn't exactly a nobody.

I'm not blaming Ronaldo and calling him a bad person, if fact if he knew about Gotze I would be shocked. Ronaldo responded in the exact way that people should expect; if it ain't about him, don't ask the question.

Anywho, just an average week in the life of Cristiano Ronaldo

This is the Next Video Game You Need

You know you want to press on

Ahh, Fifa. There's nothing like it. In fact, Broston College named it as one of the top 5 inventions of our generation, with which I will firmly agree. Having said that, there are, as I see it, 3 problems with a current Fifa game (be it 11 or 12).

1. Constantly playing against people, while fostering hellacious rivalries, can sometimes lead to hatred. One of our roommates who will go unnamed has a type of goal that bears his name, called the ***-goal. There's really no set rubric for a ***-goal, it just has to be total bullshit. A few of these can cause his opponent to storm out and raid the fridge for a Bud Heavy to cool down.
2. When you're playing 2v2 with 4 bros, player switching is a huge issue. We all know the feeling of having 2 defenders back as a ball is played through, and the shitshow of manual player switching that commences (if you have auto-switching on, you don't deserve to play). Usually this results in the defender looking as if he's riding Harry Potter's cursed broomstick, while the uncontrolled defender is easily beaten for a golazo.
3. The career mode competitions suck. While I don't know this because basically the whole career mode is only for people with RIDICULOUS amounts of free time on their hands, it used to be that none of the European competitions had their real names. I think I won the ECC like 6 times with Liverpool in Fifa 07 for Gamecube, but that didn't give me the satisfaction of winning the Champions League.

All these problems are fixed in Fifa World Cup.

A quick summary:

1. While you can play a normal match, it's much more fun to play in a mode called Captain Your Country, where you pick a team and play as one player throughout all qualifiers and eventually reach THE Fifa World Cup 2010. Intrasquad bitterness may develop if one player doesn't pass, but certainly all ***-goals will be met with more appreciation if they come from your side.
2. Captain Your Country eliminates player switching. Since you're only one player, and basically your whole job is to get good match ratings, you don't have to worry about silly things like defense. You can poach up top with Jozy and bury breakaways all day, with no thought to defending against the dreaded Lb+Y.
3. Due to the fact that it's officially licensed, this baby has the god damned WORLD CUP. You can try to take any country in the world to the pinnacle of the sport. Much more satisfying than winning the Fifa International Tournament or some other nonsense.

Save yourself 30 bucks and but it for $20 on eBay here. I did.

Cristiano Ronaldo on Himself

If anyone else in the world had said this, I would have immediately dismissed it as a joke. With the possible exception of LeBron, who would have said it as a joke to get headlines because with no NBA I haven't been subjected to LBlowJ on Sportscenter for perhaps a week. However, there is only one human being on Earth who could actually say this in full confidence and mean every word of it. This quote comes from after Real Madrid's Champions League tilt at Dinamo Zagreb. When asked why he was heckled throughout the match, Ronaldo responded:

""I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don't have any other explanation.""

Let that sink in for a minute. Perhaps the most recognizable and famous athlete on the planet actually said that. Again, though, almost not surprising coming from this man:

"No, I mustn't look. They will surely heckle me. No one understands my beauty"